NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
