You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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