We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
