Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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