As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
