i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
