we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
