Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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