So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
