rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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