wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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