I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
