another moral hangover. fuck.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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