btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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