soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
All I want is dick and wine.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
