I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
