I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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