My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize