I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
