So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
