apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
