Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
