I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize