Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
