New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
