shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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