I hate your face
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
