You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
