Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize