I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
