How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
