ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
