I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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