Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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