Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize