The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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