you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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