do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
how drunk are you?
Several
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
