it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
