I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
