if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize