we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
