his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
