We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
