He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Acid is not a monday night drug
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
