you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
