i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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