Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
