if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
