needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
