Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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