have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
