good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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