My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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