hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
