What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
