of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
