We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
