I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
