I just pynch a tree in the face
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
