Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
