She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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