I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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