I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
