So drunk its hurt
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
