I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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