He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
