i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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