During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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