is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
