You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
