I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
