im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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