There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
